Coping with Stress During Times of Transition: A Resource for Families

By Charity Holmes, LPC, CEAP
Licensed Professional Counselor and StoneBridge Parent

In my younger and more naïve years of early adulthood I remember taking on transitions like I was invincible. Planting a church, having our firstborn, and moving, all within a couple months – I wouldn’t recommend it! God was abundantly gracious to us, and at the time we felt incredibly resilient. It was only years later that we came to realize the real impacts that compounding transitions had on our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.

In the first couple of months, we felt we had sailed through these major life changes unscathed. To our surprise came the daily stressors of first-time parenting, managing unmet expectations in our marriage, navigating church/work demands and the criticism that often accompanies any leadership position; it felt suffocating.

We had failed to calculate for the daily stressors, the “micro stressors” of life that is many times out of our control. Coupled with macro stress, it’s very likely that one’s coping threshold can quickly be surpassed. Serious problems can arise when we experience micro stressors frequently, over a period, and at intense levels. As such, it makes sense to think carefully about how to identify and successfully cope with these daily stressors, and help our children navigate them as well.

Let’s face it, the start of a new school year can be intense and exhausting. Between the back-to-school shopping, getting reacquainted with a scheduled routine, and managing all the emotions of what to expect, you’re likely to experience an increase in stress. As parents we are not only managing our own emotions, expectations, deadlines, etc., but also those of our children as they anticipate new routines, navigate new and changing relationships, and cope with increasing expectations and demands. Understanding the impacts of stress, how it manifests, and common reactions to it is imperative in successfully navigating these transitions.

Common Stress Reactions in Children
Some common stress reactions children may experience are:

Preschool Age

• Changes in behavioral problems such as aggression
• Increased emotional expression, i.e., crying, fear, whining, etc.
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Separation anxiety Physical complaints, i.e., stomach aches

School Age

• Socially withdrawing from friends, becoming clingy or demanding
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Emotional mood swings or overreactions, anxiety

Adolescent

• Depression, sadness, anxiety
• Low self-worth
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Withdrawal from social networks or social activities
• Decline in academic performance
• Concentration difficulties

Helping your child navigate their experience is essential in developing and increasing your child’s coping threshold. Transitional times of stress can be distressing; however, children are often resilient and when given a supportive and safe environment, they can even thrive.

Helping Children Navigate Stress
Increasing your child’s coping threshold may look like:

• Talking with your child. Provide reassurance that you are there to support and are open to hear how they are feeling, even if they are upset, angry or sad. Be present and make time for regular check-ins of their emotions.
• Follow your child’s lead. Different children require different things. Learn what works to help reduce your child’s stress. Some want to talk and be held, while others de-stress through action and movement.
• Reassure them. Helping your child feel heard and know that they are not alone is a powerful way to make a connection and build trust. Let your child know that no matter what, you will help take care of them and their needs.
• Limit screens and social media. Social media increases feelings of dissatisfaction and can lead to increased stress and depression. When possible, limit their exposure.
• Structure your child’s environment. Children thrive when there are set clear boundaries and routines. Establish predictable routines and do your best to adhere to them.
• Create positive experiences to balance negative ones. Life is hard, even for children, so look for opportunities to create positive moments and opportunities for fun and relaxation.
• Take care of your child by taking care of yourself. How children react and cope to stress is strongly influenced by their parents’ reactions and behaviors when stressed.

Caring for our children’s emotions and needs can be challenging and at times exhausting. The saying is true, that one can’t pour from an empty cup. Fortunately, investing in your own self-care doesn’t have to be exhaustive or extensive.

5 Simple Steps to Manage Stress

Below are five simple tools to take care of yourself and increase your own coping threshold.

• Create a sense of calm with your breath. Try slow and deep breathing and aim for six slow breaths (one breath is in and out). You can use a timer to time yourself. Aim for one breath cycle per ten seconds. Taking slow and deep breaths sends signals to your brain that you are in a safe place and are calm, allowing your physical body to relax. (Acts 17:28)
• Self-affirmations and words of encouragement. Repeating a short, positive, and life-giving statement to yourself is a powerful tool that speaks to the subconscious and helps program our minds in ways we want to operate. (Proverbs 18:21)
• Close your stress loop with movement. Movement uses up released stress chemicals when we experience macro or micro stress. Build movement into your day. This could be as simple as some stretching, a walk or a consistent exercise routine.
• Set boundaries with your phone. Phones are a huge source of our micro stress. Establish set times in the day when phone is “off limits,” and allow your mind to experience stillness and rest. (Psalm 119:37, Philippians 3:15-16; Proverbs 4:23)
• Practice gratitude as a focus shifter. The human brain is wired to problem solve; hence its tendency to focus on problems. Practice gratitude and train your brain to focus on the goodness around you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:8).

Thriving through Life’s Changes
There is no question that transitional events can be disruptive and distressing, whether on the macro or micro stress level. But it is important to remember that stress can have positive effects as well. Some benefits to stress include an increased resilience and capacity to cope with difficult times, greater family cohesion, and development of an increased understanding and empathy for those experiencing difficult times.

Providentially, God placed some older and wiser individuals in our lives to lovingly and graciously raise our awareness capacity and model boundaries and true, biblical self-care. Fast forward 15 years and we’ve made progress planning for and navigating the impacts micro stressors have on our own wellbeing and that of our children.

That support was critical to us. We were designed to do life together; life-giving community support is critical for successfully navigating life’s transitions. Talk with a friend, family member, mental health professional, your pastor, or view our additional resources. By accessing your own resilience and external resources and support, it is possible to adapt and even thrive—even at the beginning of a whole new school year!

*Featured image by Unsplash.